Visiting: being visited.

Many of my TCK memories involve people visiting us where we lived. Grandparents, aunts, cousins, family friends, they've all come. For them it was a easy and cheaper holiday; going somewhere far away and exotic with free accommodation and a free tour guide. The place I called home was a holiday destination for them, a place they had always dreamed of visiting. We always had a good time; my parents pulled out all the stops to show their friends and family the best time. We would go out to eat more often, go to all the fun places, and sometimes even have trips away to nearby destinations. As I got older though, I sometimes found it overwhelming. All of a sudden, there would be a few more people in the house, and my daily routine would be completely disrupted. I love my family and our friends dearly, but when you're put in close quarters for three weeks at a time, it can get a bit much. My family always tended to fall out when we had visitors. My mom would feel like everything needed to be perfect, which meant that my brother and I would act out more just to annoy her. It always had a strain on the family, although we never showed our visitors that.

There was always a common trend with visitors; they always came towards the end of our stay. As soon as we said "we're moving next year", the visitors would start coming. They would suddenly realize that their opportunity to go on a cheap holiday was slipping away, and they would all try to come at the same time.  By this time, my family would be planning the move to a new place. Visitors and moving do not tend to mix well. As a example, I'll take you back to when I was in 10th grade. At the end of 10th grade, we were moving from Beijing to Hanoi. I was finishing up my MYP program, so I was very busy with school work, and on top of that I was leaving behind the closest friend group that I'd ever had. During our last month there, my cousin, aunt, and grandmother came to visit. Personally struggling with leaving while feeling like I had to put on a happy face for them was really hard. I love them all dearly, but the timing was the worst.

I suppose the point that I'm trying to get across is that while being visited is routine when being a TCK, it's not always easy. I realize that this post points out more negative then positive things about being visited. Don't get me wrong, I have had amazing memories of family and friends coming to visit. It's just that I wanted to point out that being visited is not always easy.

In a few days I'm leaving to the Netherlands for a few days. So, I'll be the one visiting! I'll write a blog post on that side of it, for a little bit of balance. So keep a look out!

Homey.

Recently my friend told me that she thought my room looked so homey, and that she wished she could have done the same with her room. I looked at my room and realized it looked like what all my rooms have looked like. Lots of pictures on the wall and memorabilia from countless countries scattered around the room. Having had lots of bedrooms over the years, I've learned how to make a room look homey fast. Your room should be somewhere you feel safe, and even if you know you'll only stay there for a year or two, you should decorate it as if you're staying a little longer than that. I think most TCK's can agree that you don't always feel home is certain countries, but your room is like your safe haven.

The room I am in now is student accomodation, and when I moved in, I knew I would only stay here for a year. And yet, I made sure I love my room. I have a red latern that I bought in Hoi An to remind me of where my family is. On my doorknob hang two plush Chinese fish to always remind me of my childhood on my way out the door. I have a string of small Buddhist prayer flags as well as a wooden Buddha to keep me safe here in my new home, as they have always done. I have a poster of Ganesha to remind me of my vacation to India, and how beautiful it was. On my bookshelf stands a little replica of the Golden Rock in Myanmar and next to that a small lacquer ware offering vessel to remind me of the beauty of Asia. I could go on listing the little items I have to remind me of my TCK childhood that are spread around my room. Every time I look up from my work I'll see something and it'll bring back a memory, putting a smile on my face.


The pictures that cover my walls is like a timeline of my life. Different friends from different countries, holiday photographs, and a bunch of family pictures. They remind me that I'm not alone, that I have friends and family out there. As a TCK, it's hard to remind yourself that although you might not have your family right next door, that doesn't mean they're not there for you. When I'm in a bad place, the pictures remind me of them and that, even though they are thousands of kilometers away, I have family and friends that care about me. My homey room is a constant reminder of the different life that I lead, and how appreciative I have to be off it.

Uncertainty.

Being a expat always has a element of uncertainty to it. Growing up as a TCK, I experienced this uncertainty and how it affects us. I'm writing this post because my family is currently going through some major uncertainty regarding their expat life. As you may recall, I wrote a blog post about my family moving to Bangkok. They were really happy about it, until the plans fell through a few days ago. There were problems with living in Thailand, and all of a sudden, they don't know where they're going to be living in a few months time. If you are a fellow expat, I'm sure you can relate. Whether it is uncertainty regarding where your children will go to school next year or if you can get the correct living permit for your new destination, none of it is pleasant. Just think, it's all preparation for living in a new place, a new adventure. The uncertainty will be worth it in the long run. 

Personally, I have experienced a fair bit of uncertainty as a TCK. Most prominently, the uncertainty of how long I will be a TCK. Originally, my father's contract was to work for three years in China and then to move back to the Netherlands. That was more then 10 years ago, and here I am, still living a expat life. Then there are the uncertainties a TCK experiences with every new move. Will I find friends at my new school? Will I get into the school soccer team? Will I keep in touch with my old friends? Will my new home city be just as exciting as my current one? Getting closer to the move means more and more uncertainties popping up in your mind. Personally I believe that some uncertainty about a new place is good, as it means you plan carefully and are determined to make this new place your home. You should however not let your uncertainties take control, because this can lead to overlooking the little things, like saying goodbye to the place you are leaving. My advice? Don't let the future overshadow the present. I think that growing up as a TCK has made me live more in the present rather then always plan for the future, because the future can change so suddenly when you are a expat.

Loneliness.

We all feel lonely sometimes, but as a TCK, we experience a fair amount of it. We experience it when we walk into a new school, move to a new neighborhood, have left our friends behind, and feel further away from that place we used to call "home". I am feeling it right now. I have just gotten back from being home for three weeks, and let me tell you, returning to your empty flat sucks. Lucky for me, I know how to deal with it. It's one of the experiences you gain as a TCK. As I said before, we all feel lonely sometimes, you don't have to be a TCK to feel lonely. So I though I would share a few tips with you on have to deal with it:

• Distract yourself from the loneliness you are feeling. There are countless ways to do this, some of the way I distract myself it by going for a run, doing school work, or just watching a movie (a happy movie though, no sad movies that results in you crying, those won't help right now!)
• Make a list of things to look forward to. I love doing this when I feel lonely, because it makes me realize that I have things to do and people that want to do it with me! Right now, my list consist of going on vacation with my family for three weeks in the summer, seeing my grandparents in a few weeks, going traveling with a friend, and my exciting summer job. Write your list on a big piece of paper, make it nice and colorful, and hang it up on your wall. It's something you can look at everyday, and just reminding yourself of these things will put a smile on your face!
• Surround yourself with people! Sitting alone in your room really won't help the situation. If you are in a new school, join a sports team or a society to meet people. If you're just feeling lonely and can't put your finger on exactly why, make plans with a friend to go for lunch. Having someone else with you for a few hours make you realize that you're not alone, and the feeling of loneliness with start to diminish. 
• Lastly, don't ignore the fact that you are feeling lonely. Sit yourself down and think why exactly you are feeling the way you are. If you know why, it's much easier to figure out how to deal with it. If you feel confident enough, talk to someone about it. Don't feel like you have to keep your loneliness to yourself, this will only add to the feeling.

Just as I talked about in my last post about leaving, the loneliness does not get any easier. You do however learn how to deal with it. I am by no means saying that the above few points are the exact way to tackle feeling lonely. I do however feel that as a TCK, I have a decent amount of experience to talk about loneliness, and how to deal with it. This is just how I cope with it, what about you?

Saying goodbye.

As a TCK, you say goodbye a lot. You say goodbye to friends, family, places, schools. And yet, each time it's hard. For me, saying goodbye does not get any easier. Sure, you get used to the process of it, but it does not make it easier. After being home for three weeks, I am leaving tomorrow to go back to Cardiff. It'll be two months before I see them again. It's not as long as it has been before, but still, it's long for me. That's two months of not getting a hug from my mom when I need it, wrestling with my brother when we both need a energy outlet, or watching a movie with my dad. It's the little things that I miss each time. As a TCK, I have developed a sort of shield against it all, the saying goodbye. I don't really show people my sorrow anymore, I just cry myself to sleep at night. I know that might sound a bit depressing, but it works for me. I have had to say goodbye so often, that if each time I were to let it get to me to a full extent, it would take up too much time. So I try look at the positives. It's only two months, two months will go fast. I'll Skype with them daily. They're always there for me if I need them. I know all these things, and yet, I'm crying as I write this.

I'm sorry if this was a bit of a sad post, but I do want to be honest on this blog. While being a TCK has opened so many doors for me, made me into a better person, but it's not all easy. Saying goodbye is one of the negatives. Unfortunately, if you want to see the world, you have to leave people and places behind. It's certainly not easy, but if they're the right people, it won't affect the relationship you have with them.

Culture shock.

I realized today how easily I have fallen back into old routine here in Hanoi. Crossing the street with motorcycles zooming past me has caused no trouble, my stomach has coped fine with street food, and the heat is very bearable. My mom asked me the other day if I was experiencing any culture shock. For a minute I was confused; why would I experience culture shock? I was back home, there was nothing new of different here. After a while I realized though, there are so many differences between Hanoi and Cardiff, I just don't realize it. Hanoi and everything that comes with it is ingrained in my brain, so when I arrived back here, I automatically switched back to "Hanoi mode" effortlessly. Culture shock is quite foreign to me, which might be surprising to some. Moving from one culture to the next, and traveling all the time, means I always switch from one culture to the next. After a while, I become immune to it, and have no real trouble with adjusting to a new culture. I think this is a characteristic of a TCK; immunity to culture shock.

If I were to experience culture shock every time I was in a new culture, I would most likely always have culture shock, non-stop. Whether it is moving to a new country, or going on a trip, I switch cultures often. And the differences between these cultures are often vast. Take this Easter break for example. I came from Cardiff. The weather there is cold, the food is hearty, the people warm and easy to communicate with, and in general a very peaceful and quite environment. From there I came to Hanoi. The weather here is hot and humid, the food spicy, the people hard to communicate with but friendly, and in general a very hectic environment. For people that do not travel a lot, these differences would have been plenty to experience culture shock for several days. Seeing as I'm staying here for less then 3 weeks, I would most likely only have a couple of days of normality, the rest would be occupied with culture shock. So what I'm saying is, is that the reason TCK's don't generally suffer from culture shock is because we don't have the time for it!