TCA

As you might know, this blog is about TCK's (Third Culture Kids), but for this post, I will be talking about TCA's (Third Culture Adults). Recently, I turned 19. So technically, I am no longer a child, so does that mean I am now a TCA? I have not really heard the term before, but for me, a TCA is a TCK that has grown up. They are different then adults that move abroad (usually referred to as expats), because we have grown up with a third culture.

A TCA will always have a TCK inside them; just as every adult has a inner child. Even if we someday do return to our home countries, and lead a normal (not moving all the time) life, we will still be a bit different then most. We will have experienced being a part of a different culture, seen places others have not been, gone through the range of emotions that come with every move. It shapes us to be the adults we become, and thus, we become TCA's.

Personally, I think that as a TCA, I will never really lead a typical "normal" life. I don't see myself living in one place for a long time, but rather moving every few years. This is because I grew up this way; it is what I know best. I suppose this is another difference between TCA's and expats. For TCA's, moving abroad and moving around has always been the norm, while for expats (in my experience), moving abroad is a big step into the unknown. We share one thing though; the amazing experience that comes with living abroad.

Going home?

Right now, I am at the airport, going home! Going to a place I have never actually been to, and won’t be for very long, but still, I am going home. I have talked previously about the term “home”, and how for TCK’s, it often has a different meaning then for others. For me, home is where my family is, where my “things” are, the place I go to feel at home. I must say though, this situation is a first. In the past, I have moved places together with my family, so then; we were going to our “new home”. This was because none of us lived there yet, our "things" were not there yet, and our house had not been lived in yet. Now, I am going somewhere where there is a room with my bed, my books, my “things”. Where, we I walk around, there are the things that make a house a home. Pictures of us, tokens from our travels, our furniture. Somewhere that my family has lived for a bit, and so they call it their home. To put it in a very cheesy way; their home is my home.

Yes, it will be different this time. I am only staying for a little while since I have to go back to university. I am not going to school there, not looking for a job there, I am not completely settling myself there. I am going there to explore this new place which I call “home”, to see what it is like. To understand it’s culture, it’s people, it’s customs and norms. So that when someone asks me; “Where is home? What is it like?” I can answer with confidence.

I find it hard to explain, my strange view on what I call “home”. Maybe some people reading this will think it’s crazy that I am calling this destination my “home”, when I have not even been there yet, when I am not going to stay long. Hopefully I am not the only one who struggles with this, maybe fellow TCK’s can relate. What I do know for sure though is that right now, I am waiting to board a plane that will take me to my new home, and I'm excited! 

Lucky.

I have been in the Netherlands for a few weeks now, visiting family and friends, as we do every year. There is one phrase that I hear every year; “you are so lucky”. This is the response to our stories about travelling, living abroad, our experiences. I couldn’t agree more, because I am very lucky. Lucky to be given the opportunity to live abroad and experience different cultures, to grow up in a unique environment, to be able to travel, to study abroad. I do feel like I should point out one thing though; with the lifestyle comes hardships. I often feel like I cannot talk about this with family and friends here, because it would make me seem ungrateful. But this is not the case. I am so grateful for everything that I have, but sometimes, I wish it were different. When I have to say goodbye to my parents and brother for a few months, because I am studying in a country half way across the world to where they are living, I do not feel “lucky”. When I have to say goodbye to people who I love because I am moving, I do not feel “lucky”. When I feel shut out because I do not understand a culture and it’s norms, I do not feel “lucky”.

Even writing this, I feel like I shouldn’t post it. I am afraid that I will come across as “that spoiled girl that has a amazing life but whines about it”. At the same time though, I feel like I should be able to say these things, because everyone has points in their life when they wish they had it different.

As a TCK, you put on a brave face a lot. I put on a brave face for my grandparents when I tell them that I love university and that everything is great, but leave out the part that I cry myself to sleep sometimes because I have not seen my parents and brother for a few months. I put on a brave face for friends when I say that I don’t mind that they all go home in the weekend, when I really wish I could do the same. The only people I don’t put a brave face on for are my parents, my brothers, and my TCK friends, because they know what it feels like. So we whine together, we feel sorry for each other, for ourselves, and sometimes we cry together. It’s like a therapy session, and at the end of it, I come out of it, and sometimes, I even feel lucky.

To end off this post, let me just reiterate again that I know that I am lucky, that I am completely aware of it. I know I have opportunities that others don’t, that I have seen things in the world that others have not, that I have experiences that some can only dream of. But that sometimes, “lucky” is not the right word for our situation. Because with all those great things, come hardships. So if you meet a TCK, maybe don’t constantly remind them that they are lucky. Let them know that they don’t have to put on a brave face for you, because only then will you really get to know a TCK.  

*After a few weeks of not posting, I am back again full speed, so come back soon to check out a new post!