Moving out.

As a TCK, you move many times; however, this year I have only really come to realize how hard it is. Past moves I was in the background. I would help pack my room a bit and help my mom sort out our things, but moving companies did the real work. Moreover, I never really understood what was so stressful about it. My parents were always stressed at moving time, when my brother and I would lounge around and really not see the big deal. This year though, I have had to move out all by myself. Yes, it is only moving out of my student room, but still, I managed to cram a lot of stuff in there. With me travelling around this summer, I had to find somewhere to leave my things for the 3 months of summer break.

A definite upside to being a TCK is that you learn to dispose of clutter. With every move, you have to go through all your things and dispose of anything that you don't think you will need. Like this year, I donated numerous clothing items, got rid of old notebooks and magazines, and just generally de-cluttered my life. As a TCK, you do this every few years, with each move. You learn to keep only the necessary things and the things that mean a lot to you. It is definitely a good lesson to learn when you are young, and a trait that I have seen with many fellow TCK's.

The stress comes mainly, I think, from not knowing exactly where you stuff will be, and if it will return in the same condition. You leave your things somewhere or with someone for a few months, and when you come back, you hope that everything is all right. For my fellow first years, the moving out process was fairly easy. Parents would come up for the day with their car, put the back seats down, and pile everything into the car. It would then be driven home and be driven back in September. For me, there was a little bit more planning. I am leaving my things with several friends, each coming to pick up things on different days. Don't get me wrong; I am so grateful for these friends and the fact that they are willing to take my things. It just made me realize the extra stress that being a TCK comes with. Let's just say, I will be happy to see all my things again after 3 months of living out of one suitcase!

As I am growing up, I see certain aspects of my childhood differently. Moving is one of those. As I said, I have come to realise how stressful it is, and how much work my parents put in to every move. I definitely did observe a lot when I was younger though, and I found that I was rather effective at moving out. I guess that is a skill a TCK can put on their CV; good at moving!

That time of year again.

It is the time of year again when you say goodbye. From my experience, two weeks before school breaks for summer, there is a wave of parties and events all to do with people leaving. Whether you are leaving yourself or if friends are leaving, this time of year is always bitter sweet. While the events and parties are fun, you know that you are saying goodbye to people you care about. You might never see them again. The expat community is accustomed to this time of year. School is focused on it; from big end of year assemblies to handing out "leavers t-shirts" for people to write their goodbye messages on. The people leaving change, but the routine of this time of year stays mostly the same.

Whenever it was our own last two weeks, there was always a change in the air. It was a rush to do things for the last time, a rush to get keepsakes of our home. We would have to eat at that one restaurant for the last time, get ice cream at our favourite place once more, and visit that one special place for the last time. We would have to buy things that reminded us of this home; a antique nightstand from Shanghai, a “I <3 Beijing” shirt, a red lantern from Hanoi. It was as if all of a sudden, the few years we had lived there were not enough. We would want more time; more time to explore the country, to get to know the people. At the same time, there was excitement in the air. We would want to know more about the new place we were moving to, what the school would be like, where we would live. To sum up in one word, this time of year is hectic.

It is closing another chapter, and moving on. This might seem a bit harsh, but after a while, you get used to it. You know that in a few years time, it will be your last two weeks again. It is never easy, but it becomes more bearable over time. You learn to accept that you will lose touch with some people, and that some others you will see again soon. You know that if you are leaving, you are leaving a place that was your home for a few years. You also know that you will be moving to a place that you will soon call home again.

For the first time in a long time this time of year is different for me. Yes, everyone is leaving and going home, but everyone is coming back in a couple of months. There is no one moving to another country, no farewell parties. There are no tears of sadness. I suppose this is normal, but it is not normal for me. Through Skype I am living along with my family, who are experiencing their last two weeks and moving. It is not easy, but it is a part of being a TCK. You just have to remember; you are on a journey of discovery, and this time of year is part of that.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, Pt 4.

It is time for the final part of my series; "When in Rome, do as the Romans do”, and this post will be about where I live now, in the United Kingdom (more specifically, in Wales). I have lived here for less than a year, so I am still in the process of becoming part of the culture, but I think that I have integrated enough to write a post about it. I had to become Welsh fast, as I was thrown right into the community. Moving alone to go to University is very different then moving with your family to a new country. Beside the hard aspect of being by myself, I was also in no way a part of an expat community. I was just a normal University student, along with the thousands of new freshman. While this new normalcy was refreshing, it was also slightly daunting.

My key connection with the local culture was my friends. I did make some international friends, but my closest friends are all from around here. While they do make fun of my accent and misunderstanding of certain local customs, they are a great group of friends. Through them, I have come to understand more aspects of the culture I am currently living in. This happens through simple things, such as teaching me slang and correcting certain expressions. For example, to me, chips are crispy potato chips, but here they refer to those as crisps. What I call fries is what they call chips. This might seem silly, but when I first arrived, people would look at me weird when I ordered fries at a restaurant, and I would automatically be seen as someone not from around here. Little things like this build up to develop us into someone who fits into a new culture.

Personally, I love spending the day outside in the fresh air. So when I saw that my University has a hiking club, I automatically joined. I now go for hikes around Wales whenever I can, and I love it. I have met some great like-minded people through the club, seen the amazing scenery of Wales, and most importantly, felt more at home in Wales. I believe that when you explore a country, you come to understand what a culture is based on, where customs and habits originate from. Our hikes usually pass through small villages, and if we feel up for it, we will go to the local pub for a drink. The pubs are always filled with locals, always up for a chat. Elderly men that will gladly tell you the story of their lives, about what it was like to grow up on a small town farm. I have some amazing memories from these hikes, and hope to gain more over the years, and they are a big part of why I feel like I am becoming part of the Welsh culture. This is because I took initiative to learn about the place and it's culture.

While I am not at a point yet where I feel like a local, I am getting there. What I have learnt by moving to Wales is that in order to become part of a culture, you need to want to understand it. Take part in activities that will bring you closer to the culture. Also, let people teach you about their culture. Let them correct your accent, your way of saying things, because it will make you understand the culture more. The phrase really is true: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do", because when you act as a local, with work, you will come closer to being one. Embrace your new culture, because who knows how long you will stay a part of it.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, Pt 3.

It is time for part 3 of the series; "When in Rome, do as the Romans do", and this post will be about Hanoi, Vietnam. My move from Beijing to Hanoi was hard. I really did not want to leave Beijing; I had great friends, went to a good school with good teachers, and I generally loved living there. I thus moved to Hanoi with a negative mind-set. I knew that I was only going to live there for 2 years and so just told myself that I would get though the last two years of High School, focus on school, and leave as soon as I could. Looking back, I regret this mind-set hugely. It meant that I did not take some opportunities that could have opened me up to the Vietnamese culture more. Fortunately, Vietnamese expat life was very different from expat life in China, different in a way that automatically put me in touch with the culture.

Up till this point, I was used to living in compounds. In Hanoi however, compounds were not as common for expats to live in. Instead we lived in a house in a Vietnamese neighbourhood where a mix of locals and expats lived. We had Vietnamese neighbours, the communal volleyball field was in front of our house, and the local (and loud) karaoke bar was right behind our house. It was an adjustment, but an adjustment for the better. It allowed me to see how the locals went about their daily routines, and it meant for easier interaction with them. The local grocery store was owned by the sweetest lady. We always had a little chat at the checkout, she always asked after how the family was doing. Our neighbour had an adorable young son that would always be running around near our house, always happy to see everyone. It was these little aspect of living in this neighbourhood that allowed me to feel connected to the Vietnamese culture. I might not have had the choice to live anywhere else but there, but if I would get the choice now, I would choose it again in a heartbeat.

For my High School diploma, I had to do community and service. While this started of as something that I had to do, it developed into something that I loved to do. I was part of an organization that provided funding and materials for a local school for mentally disabled children. The school was in need of financial help, as well as materials to help support the children's education. Besides helping with fundraising activities, we also visited the school several times. It was an hour by bus through rural villages before we reached the school. The children were always excited to see us, and their genuine happiness always brought a smile to my face. We would play games with them, draw pictures with them, and have a fun basic English lesson. Despite the language barrier, I felt a connection with the school, it's pupils, and it's teachers. It is when you see different aspects of a culture that you truly understand the culture. While I might have just helped a minimal amount, I am so grateful that they opened my eyes to their wonderful culture.

What I took away from living in Vietnam was that to become part of the culture, you have to truly take part. I did this through living in a Vietnamese neighbourhood, as well as helping out a local school. One tip; do not move to a place with the same mind-set as I did. While in the end, I loved Hanoi and I felt truly connected to it's culture, I think that if I had moved with a more positive mind-set, this connection would have been even stronger.

Stay tuned for the last part of this series, which will be about where I live now; the United Kingdom!

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, Pt 2.

It is time for part 2 of my "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" series, and this post will focus on Beijing. At the end of 7th grade, I moved from Shanghai to Beijing. As I talked about in my previous post, I learnt Chinese in Shanghai and was introduced to the Chinese culture. My first year in Beijing I actually did not do Chinese. This was because my school offered the option of doing Dutch as a language in school, and so I did that instead of Chinese. After a year though, we realized that this was not the best thing for me, and I went back to doing Chinese. I think the main difference between Shanghai and Beijing for me was my maturity. What I mean by this is that in Shanghai, I explored the city and the culture through my parents. They would take trips to places, and I would follow. In Beijing, I was at the age where I was allowed to do things on my own with my friends, and it allowed me to see the culture in a different light.

I had a great group of friends in Beijing, and two of them had lived in Beijing for most of their lives. This meant that they knew the city well, and so they took me to places I would not have gone to alone. Our favourite outing was going to a local mall, getting bubble tea, and singing out hearts out at the karaoke bar. It might sound silly, but doing the same things that local teenagers were doing made me feel like I was more than just an expat; I felt like I belonged there. Yes, I still stood out with my blond hair, blue eyes, and height, but I did not feel like I was the odd one out anymore.

I think a major aspect that played a part in me feeling so at home in Beijing was understanding the culture. In Shanghai we went to visit lots of places, emerged ourselves in the culture, but I think that due to my age, I never really fully understood. In Beijing, I started to understand the culture on a different level. The cultural norms, practices, and expectations intrigued me, and I found it vital to uphold them. I thank this largely to one of my friends, who was Chinese and had lived in Beijing most of her life. I spent a lot of time with her, and through her, I came to understand the Chinese culture. In particular, Chinese families. I understood that in China, elders are very important and demand respect. Parents are usually tough on their children on an academic front, and they do not show their emotions for each other in the same way that I was used to. I understood that it was different, not better or worse then what I was used to, just different.

                                                           

To sum up, I became part of the culture in Beijing through truly understanding the culture. This was because of my maturity level, and because of a great group of friends. I had the best time living in Beijing, and to this day, I still think it was my favourite place to live. That is because I felt truly at home in Beijing; I did not feel like an outsider. 

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, Pt 1.

Being a TCK, I have had to adapt to many different places. My parents always believed that when you move to a new place, you have to become part of that culture. So, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. I'm starting a mini series on this topic, talking about how I tried to integrate into the different cultures that I lived in. There will be four parts: Shanghai, Beijing, Vietnam, and the United Kingdom. This is part 1, so I'm going to be talking about adapting to living in Shanghai.

My move from the Netherlands to Shanghai was probably the most shocking move, as the two cultures were so different. I was 7 at the time, and being an expat in China was not as common as it is nowadays. I had blonde hair and blue eyes, so I was an attraction to most locals. I'm not going to lie; I hated my first few months in Shanghai. I was still learning how to speak English, I was suffering from severe culture shock, and I felt very out of place. My mom was having a tough time adjusting as well, but she decided that we would explore the neighbourhood and the culture, so we would feel more at home. Besides visiting the obvious tourist attractions, our weekends were spent exploring Shanghai's more hidden spots. Like many of the locals, we got to places by bike as much as we could. My parents tended to do groceries at the non-expat supermarkets. We would make sure eat Chinese food at least 3 times a week. These are all little things, but they go a long way. Step by step, I started to feel more at home in Shanghai, and while I still looked like the odd one out, I started to feel more and more like a local.

A big part of integrating into a culture is, I believe, the language. Language is tied into so many aspects of a culture, I would advice you try and pick it up. After 2 months of only learning English at school, my parents decided to also have me learn Chinese. I was learning English and Chinese simultaneously, and while it was hard, it was definitely worth it. Still being young I picked up the language fast, and after a few months, I was able to hold simple conversation. This helped me out a lot, because the locals take you more seriously when you speak their language. It shows a level of commitment to the place and the culture, and this is respected.

I ended up living in Shanghai for a little more than 5 years, and over those years, I truly felt like I was part of the culture. Some of the things I mentioned in this point might be very specific, but the main idea I want you to take away is to try your utmost best to integrate into the culture. You can do this through language, food, mode of transportation, however you feel comfortable. The worst thing you can do is shut yourself out, because that means not allowing your new living place to become your home.

Come back in a few days for part 2: Beijing!

Where are you from?

The question every TCK dreads: "Where are you from?". It's not that we don't like the answer to that question, it's just that for most, the answer is long and complicated. The answer starts of simple: "I'm Dutch". My accent throws them off though, and they'll ask more questions: "Why do you have an American accent?", "Are your parents American?", "Have you always lived in the UK?". At this point I ready myself for a long story, because the answers to those questions involve multiple countries, schools, 'homes', and experiences.

I have to say, I enjoy watching how people react when I tell them about being a TCK. Everything is normal until I tell them I lived in China for almost 8 years, upon which people will usually do a double take and respond with: "CHINA? Why China?". I tell them about my Dad's work, about how I picked up a American accent in International Schools, about how I speak Chinese, about how my parents still live in Vietnam so I don't get to see them very often. All of a sudden, the simple questions of "Where are you from?" turns into a complicated, personal tale of my life. Don't get me wrong; I don't mind answering the question. I understand that people find my life intriguing, and I know that for most, they don't often meet a TCK. It is just that on some occasions, I wish the answer were easier. For example, on a night out, I would rather have fun and dance with my friends then tell a stranger a 10-minute story about where I have lived. So in those situations, I do sometimes opt for: "Yes, I am American". That answer fits with my accent and people will accept it and walk away. I'm not happy to lie, but sometimes I prefer at 10-second conversations opposed to a 10-minute one!