When in Rome, do as the Romans do, Pt 2.

It is time for part 2 of my "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" series, and this post will focus on Beijing. At the end of 7th grade, I moved from Shanghai to Beijing. As I talked about in my previous post, I learnt Chinese in Shanghai and was introduced to the Chinese culture. My first year in Beijing I actually did not do Chinese. This was because my school offered the option of doing Dutch as a language in school, and so I did that instead of Chinese. After a year though, we realized that this was not the best thing for me, and I went back to doing Chinese. I think the main difference between Shanghai and Beijing for me was my maturity. What I mean by this is that in Shanghai, I explored the city and the culture through my parents. They would take trips to places, and I would follow. In Beijing, I was at the age where I was allowed to do things on my own with my friends, and it allowed me to see the culture in a different light.

I had a great group of friends in Beijing, and two of them had lived in Beijing for most of their lives. This meant that they knew the city well, and so they took me to places I would not have gone to alone. Our favourite outing was going to a local mall, getting bubble tea, and singing out hearts out at the karaoke bar. It might sound silly, but doing the same things that local teenagers were doing made me feel like I was more than just an expat; I felt like I belonged there. Yes, I still stood out with my blond hair, blue eyes, and height, but I did not feel like I was the odd one out anymore.

I think a major aspect that played a part in me feeling so at home in Beijing was understanding the culture. In Shanghai we went to visit lots of places, emerged ourselves in the culture, but I think that due to my age, I never really fully understood. In Beijing, I started to understand the culture on a different level. The cultural norms, practices, and expectations intrigued me, and I found it vital to uphold them. I thank this largely to one of my friends, who was Chinese and had lived in Beijing most of her life. I spent a lot of time with her, and through her, I came to understand the Chinese culture. In particular, Chinese families. I understood that in China, elders are very important and demand respect. Parents are usually tough on their children on an academic front, and they do not show their emotions for each other in the same way that I was used to. I understood that it was different, not better or worse then what I was used to, just different.

                                                           

To sum up, I became part of the culture in Beijing through truly understanding the culture. This was because of my maturity level, and because of a great group of friends. I had the best time living in Beijing, and to this day, I still think it was my favourite place to live. That is because I felt truly at home in Beijing; I did not feel like an outsider. 

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, Pt 1.

Being a TCK, I have had to adapt to many different places. My parents always believed that when you move to a new place, you have to become part of that culture. So, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. I'm starting a mini series on this topic, talking about how I tried to integrate into the different cultures that I lived in. There will be four parts: Shanghai, Beijing, Vietnam, and the United Kingdom. This is part 1, so I'm going to be talking about adapting to living in Shanghai.

My move from the Netherlands to Shanghai was probably the most shocking move, as the two cultures were so different. I was 7 at the time, and being an expat in China was not as common as it is nowadays. I had blonde hair and blue eyes, so I was an attraction to most locals. I'm not going to lie; I hated my first few months in Shanghai. I was still learning how to speak English, I was suffering from severe culture shock, and I felt very out of place. My mom was having a tough time adjusting as well, but she decided that we would explore the neighbourhood and the culture, so we would feel more at home. Besides visiting the obvious tourist attractions, our weekends were spent exploring Shanghai's more hidden spots. Like many of the locals, we got to places by bike as much as we could. My parents tended to do groceries at the non-expat supermarkets. We would make sure eat Chinese food at least 3 times a week. These are all little things, but they go a long way. Step by step, I started to feel more at home in Shanghai, and while I still looked like the odd one out, I started to feel more and more like a local.

A big part of integrating into a culture is, I believe, the language. Language is tied into so many aspects of a culture, I would advice you try and pick it up. After 2 months of only learning English at school, my parents decided to also have me learn Chinese. I was learning English and Chinese simultaneously, and while it was hard, it was definitely worth it. Still being young I picked up the language fast, and after a few months, I was able to hold simple conversation. This helped me out a lot, because the locals take you more seriously when you speak their language. It shows a level of commitment to the place and the culture, and this is respected.

I ended up living in Shanghai for a little more than 5 years, and over those years, I truly felt like I was part of the culture. Some of the things I mentioned in this point might be very specific, but the main idea I want you to take away is to try your utmost best to integrate into the culture. You can do this through language, food, mode of transportation, however you feel comfortable. The worst thing you can do is shut yourself out, because that means not allowing your new living place to become your home.

Come back in a few days for part 2: Beijing!

Where are you from?

The question every TCK dreads: "Where are you from?". It's not that we don't like the answer to that question, it's just that for most, the answer is long and complicated. The answer starts of simple: "I'm Dutch". My accent throws them off though, and they'll ask more questions: "Why do you have an American accent?", "Are your parents American?", "Have you always lived in the UK?". At this point I ready myself for a long story, because the answers to those questions involve multiple countries, schools, 'homes', and experiences.

I have to say, I enjoy watching how people react when I tell them about being a TCK. Everything is normal until I tell them I lived in China for almost 8 years, upon which people will usually do a double take and respond with: "CHINA? Why China?". I tell them about my Dad's work, about how I picked up a American accent in International Schools, about how I speak Chinese, about how my parents still live in Vietnam so I don't get to see them very often. All of a sudden, the simple questions of "Where are you from?" turns into a complicated, personal tale of my life. Don't get me wrong; I don't mind answering the question. I understand that people find my life intriguing, and I know that for most, they don't often meet a TCK. It is just that on some occasions, I wish the answer were easier. For example, on a night out, I would rather have fun and dance with my friends then tell a stranger a 10-minute story about where I have lived. So in those situations, I do sometimes opt for: "Yes, I am American". That answer fits with my accent and people will accept it and walk away. I'm not happy to lie, but sometimes I prefer at 10-second conversations opposed to a 10-minute one!

Arrivals.

A few days ago, I has some time to waste at Schiphol Airport. Not knowing what to do, I decided I would sit and watch the arrivals. This might sounds strange, but it reminded me of the Dutch show: "Hello Goodbye". In this show, the presenter interviews people at the arrivals bay, asking them who they are waiting for. This mostly bring up complicated histories and astonishing stories, and I always loved to watch it. So I took a seat near the arrivals bay at Schiphol airport and observed. There were people with banners and balloons, all for the people arriving. The excitement on peoples faces when they saw their loved one was heartwarming. It got me thinking though; have I ever experienced this?

As a TCK, you travel a lot. Sometime this is to foreign places, but sometimes this is also to return to your home country. For me, we went back to the Netherlands once a year, during summer. I vaguely remember the first time arriving back in the Netherlands after having moved abroad. Our whole family was waiting for us, some of them cried. They were ecstatic to see us, my uncle even brought me and my brother a present. This reaction to our arrival back in the Netherlands grew less and less grand over the years. The past few years there has not been anyone waiting for us at the arrivals bay at the airport. My grandfather does usually pick us up from the train station with my grandmother, with smiles on their faces. It is not that they are not happy that we are back for the summer, but it has become normality now. I think this is something most TCK's experience; the novelty of returning to your home country wears off for both ourselves and our family.

I am not going to lie, I did feel a pang of jealously watching the Schiphol arrivals bay. While I in no way blame my family for not coming to greet us as they used to, it would make arriving in the Netherlands a little bit nicer. I completely understand why it is no longer as big of a deal as it used to be, yet I wish it could be equally special every year. There comes a time when your family accepts that you are now a TCK, and they might treat you slightly different. Not in a negative way, just differently.